The best advice I ever ignored

Whether you ask for it or not, the people in your life are likely full of advice on various life and career situations. Sometimes these words of wisdom can be invaluable and help you reach new heights. Other times, they can turn you down the wrong path.

When you receive a piece of advice, you’ll need to judge for yourself whether it should be heeded or ignored—and sometimes your gut says it’s the latter. We asked the experts of Forbes Coaches Council to tell us about a time they ignored someone’s advice, for better or for worse. Here’s what happened to these 12 members and, most importantly, the lesson they ultimately learned from the experience.

1. Trust Your Gut

A teacher once told me that I was too social. I talked too much in class and created too many clubs. Granted, I did talk too much in class. But my value of connection can be traced back to a young age. It’s in my DNA. I’ve been able to live a life that expresses this value, having worked in advertising and then coaching for 15-plus years. And that’s powerful. My advice about advice? Go with your gut. –Susan Sadler, Sadler Communications LLC

2. Sometimes Only You Know What’s Best For You

While in the United States Air Force, I was told repeatedly that I should retire in the USAF. Every time I would tap into this idea, it did not feel right. I loved my career in the military; however, I knew life had a different path for me. When I completed my term, I left and I grew exponentially as a person. The USAF gave me a place of reference. I’ve never looked back. Sometimes only you know what is best for you. – Adriana Rosales, Adriana & Company™ LLC

3. Be Authentically You

I’ve been advised to “toughen up” and not wear my heart on my sleeve. The more I work with people, the more I am convinced that we need a balance of heart and head. It doesn’t make sense to cut off the very part of my style that clients say they like: my authenticity and empathy. By being my full self, I support others to do the same, and we get better results! -Wendy Fraser, Fraser Consulting, LLC

4. Follow Your Passion And Live Your Purpose

When I became a coach, I remember feeling like I was on fire, living my purpose each day. I debated whether to resign from my job to devote my time fully to coaching. A well-meaning colleague advised me to keep my business and do coaching on the side, as a hobby, because “no one can build a full-time business from coaching.” I didn’t listen. I resigned. That was 13 years ago, and I’m thriving! –Daphna Horowitz, Daphna Horowitz Leadership

5. Coaching Is More Effective Than Giving Advice

As a U.S Army Officer, I served as an advisor to the Afghan police. My headquarters gave us guidance on how Afghan units should execute an upcoming training exercise. I ignored the advice and coached the Afghan leadership to design, plan and implement the training themselves. Coaching leaders to develop solutions that work for themselves is more effective than being directive or giving advice. –Jonathan Silk, Bridge 3 LLC

6. Difference Is A Strength

When I started my career, I was told “to grow a thicker skin” and “stop being so sensitive,” most of which I ignored. My biggest takeaway is that we are the experts of our lives, and while others might not see our difference as a strength, that doesn’t diminish its value or power. It is incumbent upon us to honour that which is “us” as part of showing up as our authentic selves. –Palena Neale, PhD, unabridged

7. ‘Questioning’ Can Be A Request For Education

When I started my own company, my dad did not understand how others could use such a service. It did not “make sense” to him. This began the quest of how to make sense of coaching to the novice. Today that statement of “making sense” has become the place of a great conversation and has led to many good clients. I realized my dad was not questioning me—he was seeking to be unconfused. –Bobbie Goheen, Synthesis Management Group

8. Dismiss The Haters

Early in my career, an insecure leader told me to “stay in my place” and that my fancy MBA would never make me better than them. While shocked, I refused to let them rain on my parade. I kept finding ways to provide value to the company and eventually rose to a level higher than them. The takeaway is to not let the ignorance of others pull you down. Make the haters your motivators! –Karan Rhodes, Shockingly Different Leadership

9. No One Else Can Tell You You’re ‘Not Ready’

Before launching my first open leadership development program, a fellow coach advised that I was “not ready.” In asking what specific variables he considered in differentiating a state of readiness versus non-readiness, I was not presented with concrete criteria. I proceeded to launch my program, stumbled a bit, yet found success, and then launched version 2.0 only three months later. – Corey Castillo, Truth & Spears

10. Don’t Try To Be What You’re Not

Early in my career, I was the only woman in an all-male leadership team. A mentor of mine advised me that if I wanted to succeed I needed to act more like the men. What she meant was, don’t be too feminine. Wear pantsuits, not dresses. Don’t say the words “I feel” or show any type of emotion. But I knew that wasn’t me. Instead, I led my way, and that authenticity was respected. – Cheryl Czach, Cheryl Czach Coaching and Consulting, LLC

11. When They Say You Can’t, Prove Them Wrong

Someone once told me that I didn’t have what it takes for an opportunity I was pursuing. They said, “You don’t have any credibility. You haven’t done enough.” So I listened, considered it, then decided to completely ignore it and push on. Why? Because others don’t always know what’s best for us. And pushing on in spite of people’s opinions has been the most powerful lesson I’ve learned to date! – Shadé Zahrai, Influenceo Global Inc.

12. Keep Your Mouth Shut In A No-Win Situation

Many years ago, I had an academic dean who coached me from time to time. One day, before the start of a meeting, he told me it would be best for me not to comment. He had never said this to me before, so I was confused. By the end of the meeting I understood: It was a no-win situation and he knew it. At that point in my career, he didn’t want me to waste any of my capital. –Susan Madsen, Utah Valley University & Madsen Global Leadership

What is the worst piece of advice you’ve received? Did you listen?

This article was first published on Forbes.com on 1 April 2020

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