It starts as something small.

A disagreement. A mistake. A missed expectation.

Then suddenly, it spirals.

I remember a time I had an argument with someone close to me.

It was one of those frustrating, circular conversations where neither of us was truly listening and both of us wanted to be right.

I walked away thinking,

Maybe we’re just too different.

Maybe this relationship isn’t working.

A little while later, when I had some quiet time to think about it and figure out what’s going on, I asked myself, if I zoom out from the details of the argument and take a broader perspective –

What’s true in general?

What’s the nature of human experience in situations like this?

And that’s when I understood that our argument isn’t a sign that the relationship is broken.

It’s a sign that our relationship is real.

In every relationship, arguments, disagreements, and the desire to be right are completely natural. They aren’t signs of failure. They’re part of how we learn about ourselves and grow.

A relationship without challenges is likely a relationship without growth.

In many ways, relationships are our greatest classrooms for self-awareness and transformation.

By stepping back for a moment and zooming out, I could see what’s true in general about relationships without getting hung up about being right. I could see how much we both care about each other and I didn’t need to catastrophise and get into a thinking spiral that this relationship is over.

We do this in leadership too.

A team member messes up, and suddenly, we’re questioning everything.

Can I trust them?

Are they the wrong person for the job?

Are they committed?

This is what happens when we zoom in too close—we mistake one experience, one moment for the whole truth.

What if, instead of getting completely immersed in the argument, you zoomed out for a moment and asked yourself:

📌 What is true in general? 📌 What is the nature of human experience in situations like these? 📌 What do I really care about here?

Because here’s what’s true:

Conflict is part of every relationship, at work and at home.

Mistakes are part of every workplace.

Doubt is part of every challenge.

And more often than not, these moments aren’t signs that something is wrong – they’re signs that something is working.

Growth, depth, and trust don’t come from avoiding discomfort.

They come from moving through it and learning in the process.

This is where the ABC Model comes in:

A – Activating Event → The argument, the mistake, the problem.

B – Belief → The meaning I attach to it (It means my relationship is doomed or I can’t trust my team).

C – Consequence → My emotional and behavioural response (I feel hopeless and withdraw or give up).

Here’s the game-changer: B is optional.

You don’t have to believe the first thought that pops into your head.

You can question it.

You can shift it.

You can zoom out and see a different reality.

Zooming out is a practice.

And, zooming out is tough when emotions are running high.

That’s why it’s a practice, not a one-time shift.

Often, the best way to do it is with a thinking partner. Someone who can challenge your perspective, ask the right questions, and help you see what you might be missing.

So now it’s your turn:

Think about a challenge you’re facing right now.

What’s the belief you’re holding onto?

And what changes when you zoom out and ask yourself, what’s true in general?

And if you’re ready to take this deeper, let’s talk.

Comment below and tell me—what’s on your mind?

Here’s to zooming out and finding strength in the shared nature of our human experience.

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