A client said something in a session that made me pause.

“You know the saying: Would you rather be right or happy?”
She asked.
Then added, “Why can’t I be both?”

I paused.
And then I smiled.

Because… why not both?

As if being right and being happy are mutually exclusive.
As if we have to choose.

Right or happy.
Leader or human.
Strong or vulnerable.
Decisive or collaborative.
Strategic or empathetic.

But what if that’s a false choice?

The either/or mindset we often default to, especially in high-pressure environments, isn’t always useful and may sometimes be damaging.

In our drive to be right – to prove a point, win the argument, hold the moral high ground – we disconnect…
From the people we care about.
From the flow of the conversation.
From the relationship.

We explored what it would mean to be both happy and right.

She realised how often she pushed to be right.
To be the expert.
To be respected.
To not lose ground in a meeting, a disagreement, a relationship.
And to make sure people did what she said.

It served her, for a while.
But it also left her feeling isolated, frustrated, and disconnected.
Her team walked on eggshells. Her partner tuned out.
And people didn’t always do what she said.

She sometimes felt she was winning arguments… but losing connection.
She wondered if people simply gave in because they were tired of arguing because she sensed they had stopped listening.

Her push to be right did seem to be in conflict with feeling happy. It felt like it was coming at a cost.

But letting go of being right, feels like we’re giving something up – our intelligence, our power and our impact.

So, where does that leave us?

Here’s what we came to understand together:
We confuse being right with having impact.

What we really want is to have impact, to stay connected and to see progress, forward movement, collaboration.

So, what if we switch being right with having the impact we desire?
Then being happy aligns with impact because we’re looking forward to connection, learning, growth and even bigger possibilities (even when they’re different to what we originally expected).

Here’s what being both could look like:
✨ Standing for what you believe, without bulldozing the other person.
✨ Communicating your perspective in a way that invites curiosity, not defensiveness.
✨ Knowing your “right” doesn’t need to be someone else’s “wrong.”
✨ Choosing relationships over righteousness, without abandoning your integrity.
✨ Letting go of always needing to be in control and being open to possibilities, mistakes and learning.

There’s real strength in not choosing either/or.
It’s not a compromise. It’s an evolution.

Now I’ll ask you:
Where are you stuck in either/or thinking?
What might open up if you allowed space for both?

That day, my client walked away with a new question:
How can I hold my ground without building a wall?

Here’s to the moments that shift our thinking—and the courage to follow where they lead.

Hit reply and tell me, what’s on your mind?

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