Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to say “I’m sorry”?
Saying “I’m sorry” is incredibly important in acknowledging a wrong-doing. It’s also one of the most difficult things you can do because it sheds light on a part of you that you’d rather keep under wraps – the part that did something wrong.
I’m not talking about a quick apology that has little emotion or meaning behind it and leaves the person you apologised to thinking, “why did you even bother?”
Or the apology that goes… “I’m sorry, but…”
When you’re in a leadership position, apologies are a sensitive topic. As a leader, it’s difficult to know when and how to apologise. It can make you feel vulnerable and at the same time, it is the most authentic, powerful relationship-building thing you can do (if you do it well). And yes, there’s a skill to apologising and the “skill” is about being genuine, heartfelt, and well… meaning it
Today I was reminded of a story that happened a few years ago and I wanted to share it with you.
A man, Fernando, called into the radio because he had done something that he was not proud of.
He began by telling the story of his friend’s funeral the day before. His friend had died in a motorbike accident because he was run off the road by a driver who was talking on his mobile phone while driving. Fernando’s friend was riding with his son when he was knocked down. The son survived but his Dad suffered extensive brain damage and died. Fernando’s voice shook with emotion as he described how much his friend had meant to him and how this senseless loss had impacted him. His grief was palpable.
As I listened to Fernando speak, I was thinking – in his emotional state, surely it’s understandable if he’d done something he now regrets?
He continued his story by telling us that after the funeral, on his way home, another driver nearly drove into him while she was chatting on her mobile phone. His emotions – grief, anger, and frustration – just got the better of him. At the next traffic light, both cars came to a stop next to each other so Fernando got out of his car and started screaming at the other driver. He banged on her window and shouted profanities. This – he was not proud of.
Through his cloud of grief, he noticed the panicked look on the woman’s face and immediately felt bad for what he had done. By then, she had driven off leaving him feeling sorry and determined to find a way to make amends for his behavior. He remembered hearing her radio playing the same music that his radio was playing at the time so he knew which radio station she listened to.
The next day, he called that same radio station and asked for forgiveness and this was the call I heard. His voice was filled with regret. He understood that no matter what he was going through, his behavior was unjustified. Just feeling sorry for what he had done was not enough for Fernando. He took further action by phoning the radio station, hoping she’d be listening, to ask for forgiveness.
I was moved to tears listening to Fernando’s story. His story is filled with sadness, grief, and courage. Fernando was able to admit his mistake in public, to many listeners, in the hope that he would connect with the one person who needed to hear it. That is vulnerability and power, with far-reaching impact.
As I listened to this call, I stopped and thought of my own behavior – do I always make the necessary apology? Do I go out of my way to apologise? How do I receive apologies?
How about you?
I think that Fernando had an important message for us that day about two things. One – being vigilant about mobile phone use while driving. Two – when we make a mistake when we’ve wronged someone, we need to make sure that we find a way to apologise that is real and heartfelt.
Is there someone who can benefit from an apology from you today?
Maybe it’s you who needs to forgive yourself for something?
I’d love to hear your story, so click here and share.
When a leader or team member doesn’t know how to apologise, it can be a big demotivator for their colleagues and team. In today’s podcast, Julie Bartkus tells about the things leaders do that cause teams to be demotivated in their work. We often hear about how to keep teams motivated but in this episode, Julie shares her research into key demotivators and how to avoid the
Tune in to today’s Leadership Live Podcast Episode 55 –Conversation with Julie Bartkus – Discover key demotivators for your team and how to avoid them with great leadership habits
Would you like to build habits for staying on top of your game and keeping your team motivated?