Here’s a question that comes up from time to time:
What do I do if my employee starts crying?
The person who cries also finds it difficult to manage their response and they often ask, “how can I express difficult emotions without getting tearful?”
The discomfort is felt on both sides, together with awkwardness because they’re unsure how to handle it.
The manager thinks they want to show empathy but don’t want to “make an issue” out of it. The employee feels uncomfortable about losing their composure and often wants to flee… Many feel that their workplace is not psychologically safe enough to have an emotional tearful reaction. They say they feel it’s just not okay to cry at work.
So, what is your experience –
Is it okay to cry at your place of work?
How do you respond when it happens to you or in front of you?
In my experience, controlling crying seems to be more of an issue for women whereas knowing how to handle someone crying is more of an issue for men. [Apologies for the generalisation and I know it’s not always the case, but generally, you know…]
In any case, crying points to vulnerability and vulnerability is often, unfortunately (and incorrectly) associated with weakness. Many workplace cultures validate strength and power as the way to lead and be led.
Here are some things I’ve heard from clients in the past:
“I hate it when I feel I want to cry so I don’t bring up difficult topics so that I won’t cry.”
“I get so uncomfortable if my employee cries, I don’t know what to do or say.”
“I wish I could control it but when I get angry or frustrated, I begin to cry.”
The challenge that arises is that both managers and employees may avoid certain topics if they don’t want to have to deal with an emotional response, like crying. This can leave many things unsaid and misunderstood.
So, what can we do about this?
My Tips:
Firstly, awareness around vulnerability and sensitivity towards it in terms of how it may affect your people, is a great place to start. Crying is a release of emotions and human beings are emotional beings. It’s natural and there’s no need to read too much into it. When you can show vulnerability, you signal that it is safe to share difficult feelings and situations and you begin to create psychological safety within your culture.
If you’re in a situation where someone begins to cry, practice empathy, hold a safe space for people to express themselves (even if it comes with crying) and listen. No need to get anxious or try to get them to stop crying. Have a box of tissues handy and visible in your office. This shows you aren’t phased by crying.
If you feel like you may cry if you raise a certain topic, take a deep breath and let your listener know that this is a difficult topic for you and that you may cry. Then tell them how you need them to respond (tissue, just listen, or anything else that works for you).
Most important, it is okay to cry at work. Handling it with empathy and compassion is a way to practice emotional intelligence and develop your leadership skills
The best thing I’ve heard about crying is from this video. When one interviewee was asked, “What do you think about people who cry at work?”
He answered, “I think they’re people.”
Spot on!
What do you think?
For more tips on how to develop your leadership skills and build psychological safety at work, visit www.daphnahorowitz.com
Do you want to be a confident, inspiring CEO with a top-performing team?
Get your FREE leadership toolkit and 15-minute training to take you through the exact process we use to help our clients manage the 3 types of leadership habits for extraordinary leadership and business results.
Click here to gain access