When something inside says, “enough”
Do you recognise this scenario?
You’ve asked for the update three times.
You were clear about the deadline.
You explained why it mattered.
You gave context, offered support, checked understanding and probably even softened your tone because you didn’t want to come across as impatient.
And now, once again, the work is late.
Or incomplete, full of mistakes, or technically done but not actually useful.
Before you say anything, you can feel it…
The tightening in your chest, the heat in your face and he sentence forming in your head that you know you probably shouldn’t say out loud.
You look at the person across from you and you want to say, “How are we here again?”
And you recognize that other part of you that wants to stay calm, because you’re the CEO, the leader, and you know better.
So you take a breath and say nothing.
Maybe you smile tightly and tell yourself you’ll just deal with it later.
But inside, you know it’s not okay. You’re frustrated and angry.
And you’re trying to think – what’s the best way to handle it.
It’s easier to just leave it and focus on the work.
But when it accumulates, there can be a dramatic explosion or a slow withdrawal.
You tell yourself you should be more regulated, more generous, more strategic, more above it. You remind yourself that people are human, that mistakes happen, that pressure is high, that you don’t want to create fear.
All true!
And still, the frustration and anger bubbling up inside tells you that you’ve had enough and you just want things to run smoothly, without needing your stepping in, all the time.
This is the time to stop and acknowledge that your anger often points to something important to you that’s been stepped on.
Maybe, a boundary has been crossed, a standard has slipped or a role isn’t being fully owned. It could be that there’s a truth here that you keep trying to avoid.
The repeated pattern may have come to tell you something.
- What exactly is not okay here?
- What keeps repeating?
- Where have I been unclear?
- Where have I been over-functioning and then resenting people for letting me?
- Where have I made it too easy for others not to step up?
This is the conversation we need to have. And it’s often not a conversation you can have inside your head. This is the conversation I dived into with Karen Thrall, author of the book, Don’t Lose Your Shit at Work on my podcast, Leadership Live, releasing today.
Despite the bold title, the conversation was not really about losing it. It was about why some people explode while others stay silent, how unspoken frustrations quietly damage relationships, and why the conversations we avoid often cost us the most.
What I loved about our conversation is that anger doesn’t scare either of us when it comes up in our work with leaders. We see anger as data.
Here are a few insights that stood out in our conversation:
1. Anger is often a sign that something important needs your attention.
Whether it’s a crossed boundary, unmet expectation or unresolved tension, anger is usually pointing to something deeper.
2. Suppressing anger doesn’t make it disappear.
What isn’t expressed constructively often leaks out through resentment, withdrawal, passive aggression or burnout.
3. Difficult conversations become harder the longer we avoid them.
Most workplace conflict isn’t caused by one big event. It’s created by hundreds of small conversations that never happened.
4. Your relationship with power shapes how you express emotion.
Some people dominate. Others disappear. Understanding your patterns can change how you lead.
5. Emotional intelligence isn’t about staying calm all the time.
It’s about recognising what’s happening inside you and responding intentionally rather than reacting automatically.
🎧 Listen to Leadership Live Podcast, Episode 84: Anger, Power and the Conversations We Avoid, with Karen Thrall
You can also find Leadership Live on YouTube or your favourite podcast platform.
So…
If this episode made you think about a conversation, reaction or leadership pattern that keeps repeating, pause before rushing to fix it and ask what it is trying to show you.
And if you want support thinking through the deeper leadership pattern underneath it, you’re invited to reach out.